Friday, November 02, 2007

I want ...

Some time ago a friend of mine was feeling in the doldrums due to routine, lack of inspiration, etc etc etc ... and in our conversation I suggested to her that she write five things each morning that she REALLY wants to do that day, no matter how 'impossible' they may seem (e.g. fly to Italy for a pasta lunch). Initially she told me it was hard to do, but then she got into it.

Yesterday I decided to try it too ... by writing just two things I really wanted to do. It felt difficult to think of even two things! There was a time when this would have been easy for me, especially as my wants are simple. It horrified me to think that I couldn't think of any wants. It made me feel that I have slipped too far into the daily routine of 'things I have to do'. Are the wants now shoved aside and invisible?

My two wants ended up being:
1. Go for a long, unplanned drive/an adventure with someone whose company I really enjoy (and vice versa)
2. Be in a cinematography/directors workshop with interesting people in a place I like (I put Toronto as a definite choice, but when I thought more about it I felt that it could also be somewhere else, once I enjoyed being in the place - but TO is the first one I feel, so I left it as that)

Want #1 appeals to my desire to do nothing and just be spontaneous, having no thoughts of anything that 'has' to be done. Emptiness waiting to be filled by fun and interesting things.

Want #2 is practical. It appeals to my desire to enjoy learning something I am interested in and which applies to my professional life, with the added benefit of being in a place which stimulates me on different levels.

A want can be simple or complex. It can be deep or on the surface. I may be conscious of it immediately or maybe it might take a long while for me to really unearth what I want.

I want to explore 'want' more deeply.
What I 'want' (as opposed to what I 'need' or 'have to do').
Then I want to get what I want.



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