Friday, May 25, 2007


Death (murder, car accidents, on-the-job mishaps, medical foul ups - especially with children and babies), the Government's overspending, rising prices, poor public utilities, political confusion, corruption, judicial chaos, a botched up health system ... the list goes on. I have checked in with the TT online papers twice since being here ... and then a third time, just now.

Nothing has changed.

When I read the story today about the young dentist who was fatally shot by a bandit (who had entered his office and had his receptionist at gunpoint), my stomach churned and I started to feel sick and sad. Looking at the headlines alone, I felt parts of my body (which have been relaxed for the past few weeks) stiffen back up into a kind of subsonscious, defensive stress mode. Back in TT do people realise how tense they are (for whatever reason)? From fear of crime (indoors and outdoors), being stuck in traffic for a large part of your day, rising prices, horrible customer service, lack of utilities (no water, phones not being fixed, etc.), frustration over Patrick Manning and his Government ... etc. When I am in TT I don't feel that I am tense because I am numb and accustomed to the feeling ... but when I go away and that tension dissipates, I feel the change.

One friend, commenting on this, basically said: Spec, It is wonderful to see you out there living and breathing on the streets like real people. Here I feel we fear the streets. Opportunities are limited and people live in fear! Be free while you may.

We should not have to think twice about the simple aspects of living. A lot of valuable energy is wasted this way. E.g. If I want to go peacefully with my drum and play it wherever I want, I should not have to consider the possibility of (at worst) being held up (and my drum stolen), raped, kidnapped and/or killed. Or ... perhaps someone will just come along and start asking questions: "Yuh drumming? What yuh playiiiiing? Why yuh doing daaaaaat? Yuh ent fraid somebody go harrass yuuuuuh? Why yuh ent playing a calypso riddim? Gimme a dullah. Psssssst! Daaaahlin, yuh lookin sweeeeet! Why yuh sittin here by yuhself? Ah could join yuh?" Or ... someone could just as easily come along and join in and start singing and dancing or adding to the rhythm with a bottle and spoon. Any number of things could happen.

I won't go into my range of thoughts on TT right now ... although the thoughts are involuntarily rising because I have to return in a short while. My family and friends will most likely say they missed me and they're glad to have me back. My cat Jasper and the dogs will be glad to see me. Jasper will probably have some dismembered offering waiting for me on my bed.

And then what?



Anonymous Chookooloonks said...


...then what?

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is so true

1:39 PM  
Anonymous tillahwillah said...

Spec, you're so right about the tension. I'm constantly on edge here...but home is home. everybody wants to know why I'm still here,why I'm bothering to put up with any of this jamming. after a year, I still haven't come up with a suitable answer.

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Kelly said...

It took over a year for me to relax my guard after moving here and stop thinking "what do you want from me?" every time a stranger spoke to me or approached.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous pottevil said...

As someone going home pretty soon, the only answer I have is David Rudder's 'Beloved'. It's one of the songs that brings me to tears; it calls to my longing for home and the work I know to be done.

12:13 AM  

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