Hope?

Take a deep breath in ... let a deep breath out. Repeat for the rest of your life.

A short while ago I was driving to the art store to get a matte put on the above photo, as someone wants to purchase a print of it. On my way there I took a Curepe back street to avoid a long line of traffic.

On this narrow back street there were cars parked along one side, making it possible for only one car at a time to pass. I'm going to omit all of the frustrating details that occurred before this particular incident. Suffice it to say, the men driving the cars that all came speeding towards me, forcing me to reverse onto a junction (thereby endangering my own life/my car) were all "in the wrong" as the obstruction was on their side. But it is clear that this traffic 'rule' does not exist in sweet T & T.

To cut a long story short, I ended up in the middle of the junction next to a man in a green car who was being very obstinate.

As Mr. Green car forced his way next to me, he looked me straight in my face and shouted at me, his large, black toad-like face dripping with beads of sweat and contorted with distaste: "You is a C*NT?!!!"

The venom with which he hurled this at me was like nothing I had heard before. I looked straight back at him. My body shook in disbelief and rage, but my response was in my calmest voice possible: "Please don't use that language with me!"

He glared at me in a way that made me instantly remember what my parents always tell me (Elspeth, be careful. You know how you like to tell people things on the road when they give you a bad drive. These days they could pull out a gun and shoot you). If he had one, I wouldn't be surprised if he had done it. He looked cold, unfeeling and really pissed off at me.

He sucked his teeth in frustration and shouted at me again: "WHAPPEN?! YUH CYAH DRIVE?!!! YUH HOLIN UP DE TRAFFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Meanwhile, he is causing the block-up ...)

By this time I wasn't able to be so calm. "When the obstruction is on your side, YOU have to wait!" (I know. Waste of breath).

The man behind me (who could see I had nowhere to go, but probably thought I was parked up having a pleasant chat with toad-in-green-car) was now shouting at me as well: "Move yuh cyah nah woman!!"

(Is this what they call male bonding?)

I don't know what happened after that. It was a blur. Somehow someone moved and next thing I knew I was driving again. I almost went back home but I kept going, thinking that if I turn back home and don't take this photo to be matted, I just won't feel like getting on the road again to do it later. I was shaking with anger at the way people are on the roads these days. The cumulative effect of other incidents on the way to that junction just made it all worse. The anger, the aggression, the lack of courtesy, the rush to get to God knows where - at the expense of other people's safety! And that man who probably thinks cussing women is what it means to be a man.

By the time I got to the art store, I handed the girl the photo and told her what I wanted. Then, after a short while, I just blurted out my fed-upcy and told her of the incident, accompanied by tears of frustration. I told her that there was a time when I thought the ignorance in Trinidad could change and things could get better, but now I don't think so anymore. It's actually getting worse. She agreed with me.

And the ironic thing is, there I was driving along my merry way with a photo called "HOPE".