Monday, May 28, 2007

Ten, nine, eight, seven ...

(Canada Chronicles continued ...)

I can't believe today is the 28th of May. Starting from today and counting down, I have ten more days here in Canada. I am technically leaving on the seventh, but because the flight is early in the morning, I have to be in the airport on the night of the sixth.

A few mornings ago, the first thought on my mind as I woke up was: "Thank you, Canada." I lay there feeling happy and very grateful for the whole experience of this trip. It is just a little drop in the ocean of Life, but I must say ... it was simple and full ... and it is the first time I can remember, in a long time, every single day of life having been a fantastic day ... waking up and my first thought being: "Wow, what's ahead?" ... or "Great! X is happening today!" ... or going home at evening/night on the subway with a smile bursting out of nowhere, thinking "Wow, what a great day that was." No matter how simple, something wonderful happened. Maybe it was the way I looked at it. Maybe it was just the way it was. (Or 'both', as someone said).

Yesterday, however, I woke up feeling angry and tense. It felt strange because I realised I had not felt anger or frustration in weeks. I mentioned later to my cousin that I was feeling angry and she said: "Is it because you are going back to Trinidad?" (She also told me she had heard me screaming and groaning in my sleep). I realised that anger and frustration (or anger as a result of frustration) are feelings that I experience daily when in Trinidad. Anger and frustration at the unfairness of many things that happen there (or don't). Even when one gets 'numb', as many people are, it doesn't mean those feelings aren't there. (This post is beginning to sound like a replica of this one).

The other day when liming with Kelly, she asked me what I would miss most about TT if I were to leave and live elsewhere (apart from loved ones). I thought for about ten seconds and said: "Nothing." Then I thought again (concerned that I could think of nothing other than loved ones) and said: "I guess I would miss nature and the landscape - trees, mountains, rivers, birds, etc." Then I thought again and realised that I don't have to be away from Trinidad to miss those things. Daily they are being destroyed before us.

Nowhere and nothing is perfect.
We (all) make it what it is.



Anonymous Kelly said...

It is hard for me to picture an angry, tense Elly.

8:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Life is what you make it. Trinidad is a beautiful place if only you would let yourself see it.

What do we say, "the grass is always greener on the other side" until we live on the other side instead of holidaying on it.

1:10 PM  

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