Independence

Does anyone really 'celebrate' our Independence as a nation? What does that really mean and how does one do that anyway? I know some people like to go out and see the parades around the Queen's Park Savannah, but is that because they're 'celebrating independence' or because they just want something to do? (Last night as I drove home I heard on the radio that the Grand Stand in the Savannah will be pulled down once and for all after today's parade. This is to make way for the Government's construction of the new arts & culture structure. More construction, heavy vehicles and traffic.)

I think I'm hearing something slow and heavy in the sky. Is it the new blimp? (Just went outside) I can't believe it! It is! It's a pure white blimp this time. How ironic that I would hear it whilst writing about 'Independence'. They have purposefully waited until Indpendence Day to launch it?! Is this supposed to be a national symbol? Is it supposed to send a message to the country that we are safe now and all is well? Is this what celebrating independence means?

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Elspeth

Serendipity's new home is calling

The time is drawing near when I must launch Serendipity.

She has been ready for a while, but the time has not been right to launch ... partly because I've been so busy and (i) have been unable to spend much, if any time in the studio and (ii) have not had mental space to properly conceptualise and execute the launch.

However, everything in its time.

The launch for Serendipity will be different to the launch of Diva, which is to be expected, as they are different lamps that underwent different processes. Keeping in mind that the recipients of Serendipity have no idea they will be receiving anything and have most likely never heard of or seen the window lamps, this should be interesting.

I will divulge my concept for the launch once I've decided on a definite date and plans are set in motion.

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Elspeth

A plug for "Redline"

Below is an e-mail sent out this morning by a friend of mine, O'Leo Lokai. His NGO, "Red Initiative", will be putting on a new radio programme called The Redline (re HIV/AIDS/STI's).

*****

*****

*****

*****

Red Initiative’s Radio Show ‘The Redline’ on Wednesdays at
10 am on SIDEWALK Radio – 92.1 FM

This interactive show promotes VCT testing, Condom distribution and the awareness of various NGOs/groups involved in HIV and AIDS – care, support, treatment, policy, prevention, awareness and sexual reproductive health. It is also a forum to create discussion and allows listeners to call in and ask question about HIV, AIDS and other STIs as well as voice their opinion on the many issues surrounding HIV and AIDS in Trinidad and Tobago.

Callers have the opportunity to receive promotion items (t- shirts, pens etc.) and free condoms and safe sex material distributed at the Radio station or delivered to their homes.

Call the REDLINE at 662 2050 ( on air during the show ) or for further information in HIV (VCT) testing, HIV/AIDS prevention, care, treatment, counselling , support, policy or for free condoms call 760 6223 / 353 4317 or email redtnt@gmail.com.

To be launched soon RED’s Interactive HIV/AIDS NGO Awareness and VCT promotion website. HIV is everybody’s business!

Blogs

I suppose different people have different reasons for having blogs. I don't know what those specific reasons are, but I would imagine that the main one is that a blog is an easy public forum for self expression.

Mine started on a whim and continued daily, becoming what now feels like a train station where my creative thoughts, projects and sometimes just simple everyday thoughts and experiences meet, interchange, pick up passengers (or not) and continue on their journey. It's personal in a way, yet it's not. I guess it maintains a kind of familiar abstraction. I don't deliberately try to make it one thing or another - it just ends up being what it is on any particular day, based on my mood, activities, thoughts (or lack thereof) or things that I may feel moved to speak out about.

My feeling of what could make it more 'alive' would be more interaction in a public sense. I think that is one reason for/advantage of blogs - the ability of readers to make immediate comments or begin or contribute to discussions. When reading a book or a newspaper one can make immediate comments but (if stated aloud) only the people in your immediate vicinity will hear you and respond (or not). You will not get a response to your vocalised comment from the writer or editor (unless they are there with you when you say it, which is hardly likely).

I often wonder why people read blogs. I guess in a way it's a bit like reading papers in the morning or during the day, catching up on 'news and current events'. I don't read many - just a few that belong to friends. I like the ones that are updated daily - it's a bit like opening a gift, seeing what is new. Now and then I also like to check in on Postsecret, which is updated every Sunday. But I suppose I'm generally not much of a 'surf the net' kind of person unless I'm specifically looking for something. Perhaps one day when I have some time I'll have a look at different blogs and see what intrigues me.

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Elspeth

Aargh!

My cat brought a huge lizard into my room the other day. I assumed he had brought it because its tail was missing. It was dark brown, almost black and abnormally larger and heavier than the regular woodslave. In fact it looked like some kind of mutation. For a few days it remained stuck to the wall (high up) moving around slowly. I thought it would one day just fall, being so heavy-looking. Every time I came into the room it was in another position and its colour was lighter. As of this morning it is an almost whitish grey. I thought it was dying.

This morning as I woke up (and, as I do every morning since it's been here) I looked at the piece of wall where it had been during the night to make sure it was there and not in my bed. It was gone. I hoped it was outside. Not to be so. It had crawled down to the bottom of the wall, almost near to the floor at the left side of the bed.
I was going to get a bucket and scoop it up, but I procrastinated. I think today's lesson is DO NOT PROCRASTINATE! Just now out of the side of my eye I saw it crawling purposefully and rapidly (so much for being nearly dead) toward my clothes cupboard (which is against the wall). I ran toward the door of the cupboard which was slightly ajar and pressed it shut to ensure that it could not get in. But I think the lizard had an ability like mice and rats which can squeeze through all kinds of crevices. Before I knew it, the creature was in my cupboard! Aaargh! How am I going to get it out? And what am I going to wear today?

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Elspeth

The request for updates

(This is a long one)

Yesterday 'Anonymous' asked for updates on projects that I've reported on in the past. Thank you for asking. I myself rarely look back at past projects, so being asked to look at them again, even just in terms of updating, is a good time for me to pay attention to ideas that possibly need to be revived one day.

THE MAXI PROJECT (see side bar of that link's page for links to the various interviews)
It's not that some of the 'reports' are hanging or have been discontinued. Some were just short projects in themselves and there will be no update unless I decide to do a part 2 (e.g. the maxi project). At the time I had intentions of carrying this project through to a larger stage (exhibition) but I did not. I can't remember why, now. Could have been 'time' - i.e. having to do 'have-to-do' type work often takes away from the time that could be spent developing projects that I begin working on and would like to continue. Could have been that other projects came along and took over due to greater importance, immediacy or energy required.

At this present time I do not feel moved (and do not have the time) to pursuse the maxi project further, but it doesn't mean it is completely abandonned. Some day when time, spirit and energy permit, I may find myself picking it back up and expanding it.

**************

Some projects I started online to give an idea of what I was doing in the beginning stages ... but to continue with each one online is sometimes not possible, as so many happen concurrently. It will therefore seem as if I have discontinued some things when I haven't.

E.g. THE STEPS PROJECT:I decided not to continue online, but rather offline and 'on the ground'. The idea was really for everyone to do whatever it is they have to do to contribute to the process of personal and collective positive transformation. For me, there came a point where the next step was to stop recording it online and just do the work offline, on the ground, reaching out to the public physically. Not everyone has the internet and, quite often, the people who are really interested in action or who 'need' to be reached are those without internet. This decision marked the beginning of the Greenlight Network, for example. Through Greenlight, creative work with a defined purpose is done on the streets.

******************

Some projects, I will admit, I myself am yet to find out more about (e.g. the KC story). After repeated calls and a lot of waiting, I finally got a call back from the relevant woman who said she would get back to me when she found out more about the KC story. To date she has not and, as usually happens, time and other commitments eventually take over and I am not in the position to keep calling back.

************************

Some stories, like the abandonned puppies which I found, I have updated once or twice upon request but do not know much more about them at this stage. Some of them found great homes and are happy, some were in the TSPCA and most likely are now adequately re-homed as they were cute pups and I was assured that they would most likely be adopted (since "people go for cute pups rather than grown dogs").

If there is anything else updates are wanted for, just let me know.

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Elspeth

Come

Purple flower from garden

*

Come.

Open up.

The Sun is calling you out

of your hiding place.

The Rain is confirming

your desire to grow.

*

Elspeth

H-t-d's, w-t-d's, f-t-d's, w-r-b-d's

Yesterday on my way into Port of Spain, I was telling my friend Glen (whom I was giving a drop) about my thoughts on H-t-d's vs. W-t-d's. I agreed with his philosophy that happiness is when h-t-d's = w-t-d's. We discussed the fact that h-t-d's are not necessarily 'bad' ... and that the best way to deal with them is to either recognize the reason for them or the importance they play (e.g. in enabling w-t-d's) or find ways of enjoying them while they must be done. Can life really just be boiled down to those two basic things? H-t-d's and W-t-d's? I guess for some people, there is the reality of F-t-d's (forced-to-do) - which is a kind of extreme H-t-d - in that it's not an H-t-d that one chooses to do of one's own accord or through one's own recognition of its importance and necessity. It's severe exploitation and slavery.

My list of today's main h-t-d-'s isn't too bad. They amount to 5 things (all of which I probably will not get around to doing for one reason or the other):
1. Write eco article (which I've at least started)
2. Deposit cheques (which I didn't get around to doing yesterday)
3. Collect photos from Detta (not absolutely necessary today, though. Can be done on Monday when I go to POS).
4. Take car to mechanic (i.e. if I can even get it to start)
5. Go to Arima to do put two things in place for I DO 2

Today's list of w-t-d's is definitely a list of w-r-b-d's (would-rather-be-doing):
1. Go and see a movie
2. Go and see the play later (the only one I am actually going to do today)
3. Paint studio (since moving in, I've meant to. The white can definitely do with some whitening)
4. Relax and read a good book
5. Sleep during the day, especially if it’s raining

The w-r-b-d's all point to rest, relaxation, lack of concentrated thought and absence of creative output. I think a holiday is in order soon.

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Elspeth

Have-to-do vs. Want-to-do

When I left my job in advertising in 1999 it was because I didn't want to (and couldn't) do it anymore - i.e. sit in an office all day working on things that didn't matter to me, didn't give me a sense of purpose and didn't stretch my creative potential or put it to what I felt was good use. I left without having a plan of what I would do and ended up doing what I am doing now. Maybe I've told this story before ... but I chose to send in my resignation letter (a month before, as you're supposed to do) on September 7th, so that my day of departure would end up being October 7th, my birthday. This was my birthday gift to myself.

Yesterday I was driving and thinking: life is made up of have-to-do's and want-to-do's. In my case (apart from the regular have-to-do's which we all 'have to do' at some point in order to exist in the 'civilized world' - paying bills, etc.) most have-to-do's are things that I do to get money to pay the bills, etc. in the first place. Every now and then I say to myself "Life is too long to be doing things I don't really want to do." Lately I have been thinking about this a lot.

The other day I was chatting with a friend and, in response to something she was telling me about, I suggested that each morning upon waking, she write down 5 things she really feels to do (for that day) no matter how simple or how complex and 'impossible' any of the things may seem.

I've been doing it myself for the past 3 days. It is very telling. None of the have-to-do's have coincided with the 5 items want-to-do list. (With the exception of writing the play which I 'had to do' for homework, but which I also happened to 'want to do'). And the 'have-to-do' list is normally much longer. Today it has 18 items on it and it's only 6:04 a.m.

Not all of the h-t-d's are 'bad', though: Some are simple and actually set things in place to enable some of the want-to-do's up ahead. Some are pleasurable in another way (e.g. deposit cheques). Others will fall away in time as my intentions, focus, decisions and the Universe lead me into a greater want-to-do life.

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Elspeth

Absorbed again

Funny how working on this play absorbs me. Time unfolds without me knowing. From the moment I woke up I've been at it ... and now I look at the clock and see that it's almost 9 a.m. and I haven't eaten breakfast, bathed, changed or updated the blog ... and I have an array of things to do this morning:

1. Car to mechanic (possibly)
2. Go to Widllife Section to gather information for eco-tourism article
3. Meet client in Chaguanas
4. Come home and start writing eco article
5. Write letter to Police, etc. for permission to do I DO 2 in Arima (and possibly even deliver? Although I doubt there will be time).

I guess it's going to be a day of have-to-do things ... as opposed to want-to-do.

*

Elspeth

Powerful day

Greetings from distant thunder and lightning.

Coming rain.

Birds.

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Elspeth

I DO 2

That time is coming up again (in about 2 weeks). The bride/Environment will make her way through throngs of people ... this time on the streets of Arima.

An invitation and reminder to those who are interested in being a part of I DO 2. Stay tuned for details.

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Elspeth

Absorbed

From the time I woke up this morning, I've been so absorbed in working on my play (homework for tomorrow - and I haven't really had the time, since this week was so busy with the children's video project) that I forgot to update the blog.

I had two ideas and wasn't sure which one to develop. On the way out to do some shooting yesterday, I had two of the children (Liu and Annelise) in my car and asked them which idea they liked better. They liked both, which didn't help much. So I got Annelise to write the names of the two plays on two bits of paper and shake them up in her hands. In the end, the one I chose from her hands was actually not the one I ended up working on. This morning I just went with the one that seemed to flow easier.

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Elspeth

An interesting woman

Quite often up at Mount St. Benedict I observe people who appear to be 'on a different plane'. Some might say 'madness' or 'drugs'. Sometimes they look peaceful, bothering no-one. Sometimes I am wary, not knowing if they would suddenly turn and react in an unexpected way. Sometimes they've given me the shivers - from something they've said to me or simply from the way they move and look at me. Sometimes I think they look as if they have elevated themselves into a spiritual dimension and gone beyond what is considered 'sanity' on the earthly plane.

Some of them quote the Bible constantly. Some of them talk loudly to invisible people about God. Some of them say nothing, but their stare has that 'religious' quality to it. Did they simply (one day or over a period of time) access or escape to a heightened point of awareness or another realm from which they could not or did not want to return?

Yesterday we took the children from the video project up to the forested areas of Mount St. Benedict to do some shooting. Around midday we went to the little cafeteria by the church to have lunch. We were going to let the children sit on the benches, but I noticed a man sitting there, gesticulating wildly to no apparent person and muttering something repeatedly ... so decided to let them sit elsewhere. They sat in the snackette area eating (and making noise as usual) and Nic and I sat on benches nearby (glad to get a break from the constant chatter). While we were eating and doing a post mortem on the project, I noticed a woman in an oversize checkered green and white dress walking near to my car, which was one of a few vehicles in the large carpark. Her large dress, shorn head, bare feet, repetitive actions and focused stare at 'nothing' struck me as stereotypical prerequisites for the label 'mad'.

At one point she circled my car once - deliberately, it seemed. I said to myself: "What is she doing?" She then went a few feet behind the car and started to do what looked like a ritual. She made a complete 360 degree revolution, in the process raising her right arm to the sky, as if saluting the sun, then bending and touching it to the ground - a few times as she made her revolution. Looking at her, I felt that I was watching a movie ... a reverent scene of a pagan-ritual-to-honour-Nature.

She then started to walk back and forth from the toilet to a patch of grass near the wall overlooking the mountains. She was holding a small plastic bottle with what looked like a purple grape juice label on it. Every time she went to the ladies' she would refill the bottle with water, walk over to the patch of grass and water it. She kept doing this for about fifteen minutes, back and forth, quietly purposeful, unwavered by nothing. Not even the children (who had since finished lunch and were running around shrieking wildly, often across her path) seemed to distract her. She stared straight ahead at 'nothing' and stuck to her path. The only time she ever stopped to do anything else was to stoop and gently pat a mother dog and her two pups - twice when they happened to walk before her. It was as though people did not exist. Only Nature did.

This morning I thought about the woman when I woke up. No doubt she is psychologically classifed as 'mad', but ... I wonder about what she sees, feels and knows ... and about the deeper meanings behind her ritualistic actions and movements (i.e. from her perspective). If I had to translate what I saw yesterday, I would say, on its simplest level, that the unwavering message she gave was about nurturing, caring and love.

Instructions on how to get the mind out of a box

1. ?????????
2. ?????????
3. ?????????
4. ?????????
5. ?????????
6. ?????????
7. ?????????

I don't think my mind is in a box, but it feels that way lately. Not sure why. It feels constrained by something. Maybe trying to think too hard and sort out what's next with all the different things I am doing? Maybe working with others instead of just going with my own flow, so needing to think in a way that is understandable to all? Maybe because I'm working with specific structures these days: the structure we're required to use as a guide for writing a play; the structure that needs to be considered to help the children's video make sense and flow ... yet without being too 'structured' so that it still keeps its childlike essence and freshness?

I am not a structured person. I think I even have a block against the word. Yet I can be very structured when I have to be. I can see structure in my mind as a visual thing - a diagram - and I understand it that way, logically. But actually being within a structure and having to work in it makes me feel claustrophobic. Like being in an office.

However, the other day whilst working on a lamp (Serendipity, actually), the phrase popped into my mind: FREEDOM FROM ORDER. It meant two things at once:
(i) The concept of freeing oneself from order/structure in order to create without limitations
(ii) The concept that freedom comes from order. That when one has order and structure, the freedom can occur within and around it, with the order/structure being the grounding force that keeps it all together - the anchor that keeps the wild kite from floating into infinity, beyond everyone's scope of vision or comprehension.

*

Elspeth

Gsi dnosjh

Dfaehfs asfkjfh erypoehf c jdudh asmgasd uh doasd ou yrjfdbn jhau lkisdf lijf. Asdgauye, ajsdhi dyrgu dhygsys. Fjot dfekfyihf roprjidbgv flvufed d, sdobyndy, dhendatst, shisrts, duchauyasd. Agvastfsad segy fjihsu Getbiskj.

Asdh gasdgdhasty debdg sikig ri sedp fegahs. Asidfguy dlakdtg djkad. Dashasdy djuhgsd, sedit m mifh? Asdh ruwb j Fstegh.

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Elspeth

The Future

Yesterday, driving home with two of the children, an interesting conversation took place between them.

L: I know things about your brother.
A: How you know I have a brother?
L: The Future told me.
A: Okay, did the Future tell you how old he is?
L (after a while): Fifteen.
A: No. The future is wrong!
L: Thirteen!
A: Yes, but you were wrong first.
L: No, I was just tricking you to see if you were listening.
A: Or maybe the Future waited to give you the right answer. The Future likes to take its time.

I remembered that snippet of conversation because of the last statement. I'm not sure if she was trying to be funny or if it was just a fact, but I found it was amusingly clever and true in an unsuspecting way: the Future likes to take its time. When she said that, I immediately thought of the importance of patience and trust ... and, by extension, the ability to live in and make the most of the present.

In the eyes of a child, what is the Future? "The Future told me." Is the Future male or female or some kind of large superhero? (Like how some see God as a big face in the sky with a flowing white beard and moustache?) Is the Future like Santa, coming down from the sky bearing gifts? Is it scary? Is it friendly? Can we speak to the Future and tell it what we want or ask it questions? Why is the Future so far ahead of us? And is it really so far ahead if it's just a second away?

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Elspeth

Who is wild?

The four children in the first leg of the I SPY environmental video project have been having a lot of fun. They have called themselves "The Wildlife Savers". However ... by day three it is clear that the children can be wilder than wildlife itself.

Nothing has turned out 'as planned', yet life has a way of making plans of its own ... so their video is finding its own path. Today, when Plan A fell through (the zoo, to 'rescue the caged animals'), I called 'Uncle Stephen" (Broadbridge) and asked if we could come over. It was a great spontaneous alternative, as he had much of what was needed:
(i) he is a great source of information for wildlife interviews (the children interviewed him in a little bamboo 'forest' and took turns filming the interview)
(ii) he had the props the 'Wildlife Savers' wanted for their animal action sequences
(iii) he provided delicious snacks when it started to rain and we were forced to take a break
(iv) where he lives is very green and wildlifey and provided perfect backdrops (almost like being in a rainforest with all that rain)

The adventures continue tomorrow ...

(See their blog here with the first entries).

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Elspeth

Q.

When?

Where?

What?

Who?

How?

white & black photos

Today

I will capture

The colour of yesterday

In white and black

and bring it back.

*

The other day, dropping a friend home in an area of Port-of-Spain I had never been to, I felt as though I had driven into a world that no longer exists. It was the first time in ages I've felt like pulling out my film camera (not the digital one). I told myself I would go back soon and get some shots - and I think today will be that day.

It's hard to put the physical place into words, since I didn't so much look at it as I did get an overarching feeling of it. It felt like it was full of stories, people talking and moving - even though no-one was there (it was a quiet, late Sunday afternoon). Not that the place feels haunted - just as though subtle imprints left by things and people are tangible.

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Elspeth

I SPY Wildlife

Today is the first day of the 2 week adventure that will be I SPY Wildlife (episode one of a project entitled I SPY). It's a project I've gotten (and still have to get more) funding for (the first 'real' funding I ever got in my life). The project is made of up four ten-minute environmental documentaries/videos - each entitled I SPY 'something' (e.g. I SPY Tree Planting) ... and each of which will be created by a different set of four children age 7 - 10. Not only will the children be coming up with their own concepts of what they want the documentary/video to be and what messages they want it to project, but they will be doing their own research and interviews and learning to use the camera to do their own filming (under guidance). This is similar to the participatory video project Rose and I did through the British Council, only we worked with secondary school students. These children are primary.

It will be interesting to see their unique little perspectives filling the screen and speaking up for the environment, which has no voice of its own. Each episode will take a month to produce (editing included). I'll be assisted by my friend Nicola and, when necessary, we will be guided further in a wildlife sense by Detta Buch.

Today two boys (Liu, 7 and Luke, 10) and two girls (Annelise, 10 and Julia, 9) will take up the baton and run with it. Let's see if the wildlife part applies to the animals or to the children.

*

Elspeth

Knock

The promised door opens.

*

Elspeth

M & M

Marianne & Mandela
Even though I've always thought that the " deepest fear" quote was from Mandela (as have many people), it is actually from Marianne Williamson. She herself (here) answers someone's question about the same issue of mis-attribution.

Money & Music
When I get in some of those cheques that are owed to me (clients), I'll buy a little portable CD player to have with me in the studio. Even though the quiet atmosphere is pleasant (save for the background banging of the nearby PVC warehouse people loading a truck once in a while) I miss having a little music when I feel for it.

Monologues & Monday
Yesterday was the fourth (or was it fifth?) class of the 6-week playwriting course I'm doing (2 classes a week). Homework for Monday is to write a monologue entitled "Stay or Leave?" Hmmm. And our overall assignment is to write a one act play. Have no idea what mine will be about yet.

Moon & Mist
Driving home last night the moon was full and shrouded by thick, misty clouds.

M & M's (the real ones)
Admittedly, I eat a lot of M & M's (the plain chocolate ones in the dark brown pack). Yesterday a newspaper reporter saw me eating a pack and she said "You love those kinds of things, don't you? M & M's and jelly beans. I always see you eating them. In fact, you gave me a pack of jellybeans once." (I can't remember doing that).

What 'M & M's' do you have in your life these days?

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Elspeth

Do not be afraid

On Friday there will be a gathering which you are invited to attend ... if that way inclined. (Details here).

On another note (or maybe not), someone commented yesterday that "no where is safe, but in Trinidad everyone knows where the problem is but because of fear no one speaks out." Rather than say that 'no-one' speaks out, I would say that 'few' do. And I don't think the fear of speaking out is fear of criminals or authorities, but rather the fear of one's very Self.

That thought reminds me of the words of these words:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

"Lord, put a hand!"

Yesterday morning I went for reflexology. While waiting for my session, I was talking with a friend who told me of an incident that took place with a woman we know who runs a hotel in Tobago. She had gone into her home (on the hotel premises) only to find three men who, upon learning that she had no gold, started beating her, stifling her and threatening her in horrific ways, etc. It sounded like a terrifying ordeal. During the reflexology session as the reflexologist and I were chatting and she was telling me that the incident with the hotel, where she gives reflexology sometimes, had really shaken her because around now is exactly a year since bandits entered her home and severely beat her, robbed her, stole her car. It took the police three weeks to take her report ... and the only reason they eventually took it was because a superintendent, who was a personal friend of hers, who had heard about the incident that much later, got them reprimanded into doing it (getting a report). Then this morning I got an e-mail from a friend saying that he was sorry he did not make it to I DO ... he and his girlfriend had been robbed at gunpoint earlier in the week. As stories like this become increasingly common, all we can say is: "At least you are alive." But what of the trauma that remains to be lived with until it can be released ... somehow?

Yesterday on our way into town, a friend and I were speaking about 'living elsewhere' and she asked me if I thought things in Trinidad could ever get better. The optimist in me said yes, not wanting to imagine the 'no'. The pessimist in my friend released an unconvinced "Hmph!"

May everyone reading this and, by extension, those close to us, be protected from and guided through it all.

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Elspeth

96:4

Well, I did what the instructions said and it has worked - I can now access the things I couldn't a few hours ago. But the question remains ... when will it happen again? I'll get my 'fix-it' guru Hank to have a look ... but at least there is solace in the fact that, in emergency moments when Hank isn't around, I can type in questions to Google and find answers that enable me to fix Firefly (name of my computer) ... until the next time. (I can't believe that even I am sounding catty about PC's now).

No insult to you, Firefly. Even though you've given trouble now and then over the past 2 years or so, it's never been anything horrendously drastic, has always been fixable and on your good days (which are at an approximate 96:4 ratio with the 'bad' days) you've done good work with me.

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Elspeth

Sigh ...

Mac people are always boasting about how things hardly (if at all) go wrong with their computers. I always just find they're cocky. I can do everything I need to do on the PC and I find it very versatile ... but when those bizarre messages pop up every now and then (as they have been doing a lot lately) it's too confusing for my untechnological brain and I immediately think about the Mac people. Not that Mac people never have computer problems, but ...

Tonight's friendly message (Error 1317) pops up whenever I try to open my Outlook Express. I can't even open any files in My Documents. I click on them and they just sit there. The only thing that seems to be working is Internet Explorer ... hence my ability to be writing this. So let me update now before I turn on the computer tomorrow morning and potentially find some other strange message that prevents me from even getting onto the net. I looked up the message in Google and got a description of how to fix it. I will follow it and hope that it works.

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Elspeth

We did I Do

In this shot her trail looks scant, since this was towards the end of the morning and most of the bottles had been cut off by members of the public.

A lot of fun was had by all ... a lot of attention was grabbed as members of the public gawked at the unexpected spectacle of a young bride walking through the streets of Port of Spain dragging a trail of plastic bottles behind her ... a lot of commitments were made ... and a lot of awareness was raised. (Go here for more photos with captions).

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Elspeth

Urgent update for I DO

Dear invited Guests,

There has been a sudden change of route for the I DO procession tomorrow, Saturday 5th August. Instead of meeting on Brian Lara Promenade, we will be meeting on Woodford Square within the 7:30 – 8:00 a.m. timeframe. We will not be using the Promenade at all. The bride will begin her walk down Frederick Street, around Cipriani Circle (roundabout near KFC) in the road past RBTT and up Abercromby back to Woodford. She/we will be escorted by a police entourage.

This change of route is necessary since the police only told us this morning (!) that we also need to get permission from the Promenade Committee and the City Corporation. Fortunately, despite late notice, I got permission from the latter but decided against Promenade as it will cost $1,250! Way beyond the budget for this environmental wedding.

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Elspeth

Do you?

All who are interested in coming along to I DO tomorrow ... we will start gathering at the end of Brian Lara Promenade (corner of Wrightson Road) from about 7:30 p.m. The 'bridal procession' will begin at 8:00. Along the way, the 'Environmental vow' will be read to random members of the public who, upon saying "I do" and making their lifelong commitment to the bride (who represents the Environment), will get a green band tied around their hands and get the opportunity to cut a bottle from her wedding trail (and place it in a garbage bag to be recycled), thereby freeing her from the rampant strangulation of garbage we humans carelessly inflict upon her.

We will follow the bride along the B.L. Promenade to the roundabout by KFC then, instead of going up Frederick Street (the Constable said we can't), we will go up Abercromby Street to Woodford Square ... by which time the Environment should be completely free of bottles.

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Elspeth

Birth and destiny

Yesterday Guanaguanare's quote (in the comments)reminded me of something someone told me yesterday.

I had said to him: 'But what does it mean to be Trinidadian?' (in relation to something he had said).

He simply replied: You were given our parents. You were given your place of birth.'

Sometimes when people answer questions in a way that causes the inner asking of more questions, you get more answers. Two things we cannot change are ancestry and birthplace. I see both in the aforementioned quote:

But if you refuse to become a lawyer, if you insist on doing that which you feel to be the true thing for you, which is what you really love to do - it may be writing, painting or having no money and begging - then you have stepped out of the stream, you have broken away from the destiny which your father intended for you. It is the same with a culture or civilization.That is why it is very important that we should be rightly educated - educated not to be smothered by tradition, not to fall into the destiny of a particular racial, cultural or family group, educated not to become mechanical beings moving towards a predetermined end. The man who understands this whole process, who breaks away from it and stands alone, creates his own momentum; and if his action is breaking away from the false towards the truth, then that momentum itself becomes the truth. Such men are free of destiny.

Florence

Has anyone ever read any books by Florence Scovel Schinn? She was an artist and a metaphysician, born in 1871 who wrote four small books which, in today's world, would be seen as one of those books about affirmations, positive thinking, etc. Only I can't recall Florence using the word 'affirmation' much, if at all. She more talks about 'treating', about using our 'intuitive leads' and speaking our 'word', because our word is a 'magic wand' which can be waved over any situation.

She uses some Biblical quotes, but not in a 'religious' way which, I admit, would have turned me off if so. She translates those messages into down-to-earth, usable applications that are understood by anyone whether they are Christian/religious or not.

I much prefer those old time writers of metaphysics and such topics ... as opposed to the Deepak Chopras of the modern age. I know many people like them and have been tarnsformed by their words, but many of them strike me as being commercial, marketed commodities. Florence (I get the feeling she is posthumously more 'famous' than she was when she was alive) just seemed like a down to earth person who went around 'treating' people, writing her books and doing her illustrations of children's books. Her books are peppered with examples of people's lives that she helped to transform - remarkable little stories written in a humble, straightforward way. Quick and easy-to-read.

Recently, as a gift for my youngest sister's birthday, I bought "The Wisdom of Florence Scovell Schinn" - her four books in one (The Game of Life and How to Play It; The Power of the Spoken Word; Your Word is Your Wand; The Secret of Success). Admittedly it's one of those gifts that I ended up reading before she managed to get past a few pages.

Not sure why I'm talking up Florence today. Maybe someone new will come across her and find her 'delightful' (an old-time sounding word which she may even have used). I think the 'treatment' which stuck with me most from my reading of the series is this one:

IF IT IS MINE, I CANNOT LOSE IT. IF IT IS NOT MINE, I DO NOT WANT IT.

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Interesting. I just opened the book at random to select a 'treatment' for someone who may be reading and got something similar: There is no loss in Divine Mind, therefore, I cannot lose anything which belongs to me. It will be restored or I receive its equivalent.

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Elspeth

Hello

Pensive times, need-for-stillness times, yet called-to-action times. Feels like being back after ages, yet it hasn't really been that long. Much has happened, is happening and will be happening. I have not yet been able to get a grip on this busy year ... and then again, I don't have to grip it or even let it grip me ... but just let it flow. Have not been spending much time in the studio at all. Apart from taking a break because of my (turned out to be two) hands (which, after my session at the orthopedic and fracture clinic I learned was 'the early stages of carpal tunnel' aggravated further by the lifting of the windows and the chiselling, etc.) ... things have felt very busy. Yes, I rested my hands by not really using the computer unless I 'had' to, etc., but there were other things - meetings, work, driving, etc. I will have to see over the period of August whether it makes sense to continue renting that space (studio) if I'm hardly ever going to be in it.

I want to let all the unnecessary things of life fall away. I will know they are unnecessary when they just fall away under the laws of 'least effort'. (An apt thought for Emancipation Day). In a nutshell, my hands have shown me the need to revise my use of self and application to life.

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Elspeth