Fire Gathering, Fire Offering

2006 wasn't a 'good' or a 'bad' year, it was just inexplicable. I'm glad to say 'Thank You' and move on. Even though a new year is 'just another day', it carries the energy of millions (billions?) of people worldwide anticipating a transition. As usual, I will keep my transition simple and symbolic.

This morning I will walk the Holy Trinity labyrinth. Then later this evening, from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. I will have a bonfire in the back garden. Several friends will come over and take part in this symbolic ritual.

Each of us will be throwing two things into the fire:

1. Paper on which is written our hopes, dreams, prayers, wishes, goals, etc.

2. Paper on which is written things we want to let go of.

Our hopes, dreams, prayers, wishes, goals, etc. will rise up in the smoke to the sky where they will be answered. The 'let go' things will be purified and transformed in the flames.

Wishing each of you a meaningful transition into another day, another year.

Destination

Follow your heart

And you will reach your destined nation.

(For Sunday Scribblings)

God is real

As I write this, it is 6:50 a.m. and I have no idea where my car (PAX) is. A friend (Patti, home from NY for Christmas) and I went to the beach yesterday and, when departing, decided to take the long way home. That route is one of my favourite drives - through Blanchisseuse, along winding mountain roads through green 'bush' and forest, past Asa Wright, through Arima and back home.

As we were cruising through the winding bushy mountainous part, I was telling Patti this story ... and as I reached the part about "God is real" (and said those words), we heard a loud screeching noise, all the lights in the car came on (oil, gas, battery, everything) and the car shut off! We looked at each other in silence, hearing only birds and insects. Attempts to start the car and inspections under the bonnet were futile. Attempts to use cellular phones were also futile (no signal).

Luckily we were on a hill, so I rolled backwards, around a few bends (fortunately nothing was coming) until we got to a flat part, where we parked and sat there, laughing in disbelief. We were not afraid. We could do nothing but sit there, relax, eat sada roti and roasted melongene (which Patti's father had packed for us), listen to nature and chat. As I said to P, the car could not have chosen a more scenic place to break down. Imagine if we had broken down in traffic with angry, hurried motorists cussing us, blowing their horns and giving us the finger.

In all, each of four vehicles who passed in the time we were there, stopped to try and help us.
1. One was a white car with a family in it.
2. One was a red 'H' car (taxi) which happened to be driven by a wildlife game warden who works at Asa Wright and knows my father.
3. One was a car full of men and women (jovial limers with a trunk full of food & drink) who happened to have worked on a theatrical production with Patti once upon a time and who recognised my face from 'somewhere'. They also happened to be going up to the little wooden shack on the hill just above where my car was now 'parked'. (So they kept an eye on it for us when we left to go to the village for a phone).
4. One was a hug garbage truck which, upon reaching aside my car, promptly stalled and could not start for a good while. Everyone was laughing. The woman in the back seat of the white car got out and started clapping, stamping and laughing like she was in a comedy fest.

To cut a long story short, we got a drop to Blanchisseuse village with Mr. Asa Wright (Emmanuel), I used a land line phone in "Paula's Shop" to call my mechanic, P called her sister & brother-in-law to pick us up ... and we eventually got back down to civilization to give my mechanic the car keys. He left to go and find the car with Lall (his assistant) at 5 p.m.-ish. They no doubt got up there in the dark. He said he would call me when they were through. I haven't heard from him yet, but I trust all is well.

Reflections of coconut trees in a blue glass window of the small church in Blanchisseuse Village. The yard of the church overlooks the sea. We waited there to be picked up by P's brother-in-law.

While waiting, this dog came across to make friends.

The rescue car pulls up in the driveway of the church to pick us up

(The French pantoum version):

We went happily to the beach.
Such a beautiful day!
Then my car broke down
In the middle of nowhere

Such a beautiful day!

Trusting in complete strangers

In the middle of nowhere

To get us somewhere

Trusting in complete strangers

Then my car broke down

To get us somewhere

We went happily to the beach

R.I.P. Sunflower

Another pupdate, for those of you who remember Sunflower, the pup I found recently while walking ...

I called today to find out if anyone had adopted her and was told that 'she did not make it'. Apparently she had been 'passing worms' (which I don't think is reason to put a dog to sleep) but that she also had some other problems and that 'sometimes you have to decide which animals are likely to be adopted and which are not ... and she would most likely not have been adopted."

What can I say? As much as I didn't like hearing that (because I found she was cute enough to be adopted), the fact is ... sadly, that's how things go when stray animals are taken to shelters, etc. When masses of them come in, they decide who gets put to sleep.

When I put down the phone, I said to the friend (Patti) who was with me: "I should have left her where she was."

Patti said: "You followed your heart in the moment and your heart said to pick her up. That is enough. Your part is in the process, not the outcome."

True. When I saw Sunflower she was following people as if she wanted to be taken home ... which is why I took her home ... and then, because I couldn't keep her, took her to the place where I thought some loving person/people would have adopted her eventually. (Next time I will find an alternative).

As Patti also said to me: "Who knows ... if you had left her, she may have developed some horrible disease and died in excrutiating pain. At least this way she went peacefully."

And, at least she got milk and a simple meal at my house, got to have a nice nap in the car and got to feel that someone wanted her ... if even for a while.

R.I.P.

Sunflower

Throwing it all away

I'd never heard of a French Pantoum until I clicked on a comment left by Novel Nymph to check out her blog ... and I saw her French Pantoum and a link which led me to the blog where there's an example of how to do a French Pantoum.

Here is my attempt, "Throwing It All Away":

I threw it all away today
Everything that is no longer what I want
I told them 'Thank You' before doing so
Simply because they had been important to me

Everything that is no longer what I want
Waiting in a bag for the garbage truck
Simply because they had been important to me
I am letting them go

Waiting in a bag for the garbage truck
I told them 'Thank You' before doing so
I am letting them go
I threw it all away today

I had a sudden feeling ... started on Boxing Day and continued yesterday, cleaning out, throwing away the things I don't need and don't use. Some things are easier to discard than others.

On the first day I threw away mainly paper things. The place felt lighter even with those gone.

On the second day, yesterday, I went through the chest of drawers in which I have many things stored (photographs from way back when ... letters, cards, notes and other 'sentimentals' ... tons of newspaper clippings on me/my exhibitions/shows, etc. ... CD masters, passports and other documents, 'poor man's copyrighted registered envelopes from way back when ... elements of past exhibitions of mine: Comments books, clippings, price lists and programmes, etc. ... hundreds of poems from over the years and from when I was in England and my friend Laura and I would 'spell the aura' ... and more). I threw away a few things from all of that. But that needs more organisation and filing than tossing.

I then threw away some more generic things, moved tapes (raw video footage and video masters) from the bookshelf to storage boxes, cleaned out drawers where I kept work-related items, ripped old documents, etc..

I also took books and packed them aside to give to friends who would appreciate them. E.g. a friend's little daughter who just got a camera for Christmas and is taking photos of everything will get some photography books; a friend I'm meeting later to discuss a screenplay he wrote will get some spiritual books, etc.; a friend who teaches Literature and dreams of being a published writer will get the more literary books: Rumi, Hemingway, etc. A friend who is an esthetician will get a stack of interesting magazines for her clients to browse through.

I packed up most of my CDs (even my favourite Bjork collection), to give to friends who will love them. I just kept my original CDs, my yoga CDs, some software CDs and my ABBA Love Stories CD (the latter was actually the soundtrack for my cleaning-and-throwing-away process).

There is a lot more that can still go and it will go in time - potentially by the end of this year. But for now, there is a lot more space and the feeling of lightness (literally and figuratively).

Less = more.

Ageless

(This week's One Deep Breath prompt is "Weathering/Aging")

Time weathered this stone

Until it was shaped like Love

And so it remained

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Eons flutter by

Eternally unchanging

It never leaves us

26 for 2006

Twenty-six things I did or achieved in the past year, 2006:

(a) I noted aspects of myself that were in need of changing and went about doing so
(b) I continued steadily veering further from the things I don't want to do toward the things that I do
(c) I've made a decision to pursue a particular new direction in the coming year
(d) I got funding for projects
(e) I co-founded a new organization
(f) I made new friends/got closer to acquaintances, mainly through working on creative projects and activist activities.
(g) I was (and am) consistent with my blog
(h) I wrote a novel in a few days
(i) I started working on new songs (for a new CD)
(j) I cut my hair
(k) I started doing capoeira
(l) I started back doing yoga and meditating
(m) I went to a new place (St. Lucia)
(n) I’m producing a short series of environmental videos with children
(o) I did a lot of environmental awareness and activist work (smelter, plastic recycling, etc.)
(p) I’m trying new creative collaborations (musically)
(q) I wrote a play which will be staged some time next year
(r) I reconnected with some people from my past and it was good in different ways
(s) I turned 40
(t) I have started thinking and speaking more in affirmations
(u) I rented an art studio for a few months
(v) I had enjoyable video screenings and intimate events in my studio
(w) I successfully completed three commissioned window lamps
(x) I started back taking long walks on mornings
(y) From March 1st I’ve just been drinking water (but since December I've been having things like sorrel, etc every now and then)
(z) I started back playing the keyboard

Pan's Labyrinth and Stars

In a comment she wrote yesterday, Kikipotamus the Hobo mentioned a new movie, Pan's Labyrinth. I had never heard of it before and was curious, especially as it had the word Labyrinth in the title ... so I typed it into Google.

The music on the site is lovely. When I first clicked and heard it, I thought "Wow ..." It is epic yet intimate, overwhelming yet comforting. (The first association that came to mind was the soundtrack for the movie The Piano)

Pan's Labyrinth is pitched as a 'fairytale for adults' and the trailer gives glimpses into what promises to be a highly imaginative, fantastical and magical visual landscape. Looking at it makes me think of Harry Potter which, unlike most of the world, I never read and only halfway watched the first movie ... But Pan's Lab looks intriguing, plus it won awards for Best Foreign Language Films (and I like foreign language and independent type films). I would definitely want to check it out and see how it 'pans' out.

While on Kiki's website to get the address to make the link, I tried out the little quiz on her post ... and I turned out to be a 'Star'. What a starry Christmas: from the Spec star card with its nine wishes to the stars spilling to this:

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Unwrapped

Stars spill from my eyes.

An angel gave them to me

As a Christmas gift.

Special Christmas Eve

Morning: Breakfast with two of my good friends, Nisha and Rosanna, at Nisha's house. Egg soufle, and carrot/mango/pineapple juice, olive balls (olives rolled in cheese pastry), assorted nuts.

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Midday: Went with Rosanna to visit the children at the farm and take a few large bags of second hand clothing for them, along with sketch pads, crayons and markers.

Mid Afternoon: Hooked up with Kris for her birthday, got delicious cake and a card labelled "Spec star" with instructions to write nine wishes and, later on, to look at the brightest star and read my wishes. Went and walked the labyrinth, released and received. It was quiet, peaceful, perfect.

Latish afternoon: Went for Gelatto ice cream. Each time I try a different flavour. Had vanilla today. Drove back through Santa Cruz.

Early evening: Set up a spontaneous little Christmas tree for me and Jasper, made of a camera tripod, with one decoration hanging on it (a disco ball I had bought in Little Store after breakfast at Nisha's). Put the gifts under it and Jasper promptly went to investigate but did not rip the paper. Tomorrow will transport the gifts to under the family tree.

Early Night: My instructions were to keep the 'Spec star' card until the end of the year 2007 and see how many of the wishes came true. But I decided to burn it. By burning written wishes, prayers, etc., I believe they go up to the celestial spheres. Also, the fire is purifying. And, as I said to Kris, I don't need to read the wishes over a year later. I will know they come true when they actually happen. So, went to bottom of garden with Pippa, lit a bunch of incense, stuck them in the ground and burnt the 'Spec star' card /wishes in a clay vessel. Sprinkled the ashes onto the earth after.

Now: Lit six andles around the tripod tree ... one tall blue one in a glass jar from the Mount, one 'cedars on snow' from J, two purple tea lights from a bunch Frances had given me, one tea light in my aromatherapy vessel, one orange bees wax candle from Merle who had given us each one after the Kundalini yoga winter solstice retreat.

Tree questions

1. What's under your tree?

Gifts can't be placed under the tree until Christmas morning because, left unattended, Jasper will rip them open.

2. What do you want under your tree?

Love

Strength and stillness of Spirit

Deep inner knowing and trust

deeper knowledge of self

Courage and focus for my direction

Clarity of thought and action

Laughter and lightness of being

Something unexpected that makes me say "Wow!"

Manifestation of the above

3. If you were a Christmas tree, what decorations would you want on yourself?

Hand made decorations made by each person who enters the house during the month of December. A simple string of many white lights.

Santa comes tonight

I can't remember how old I was when I put two and two together and realised Santa wasn't 'real'. I was with Daddy in his study one day (in the house we lived in at the time) and one of the upper cupboards was open. I remember looking up and seeing a Rupert the Bear standing there, but I didn't think anything of it. I must have wanted a Rupert (?) and was probably silently thinking that Daddy was lucky to have one.

Later, when I got Rupert the Bear from Santa, I noted that it was the same as the one I had seen in Daddy's cupboard. I can't remember now if I commented on it, but I must have pieced two and two together then ... especially since I never saw Daddy with a Rupert the Bear after that ... and never saw it again at the top of the cupboard. However, my sisters and I conveniently continued to 'believe' in Santa for a few years after we found out the truth, just to get the extra gifts.

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A good friend's daughter (about eight at the time) was devastated when she found out that Santa was not real (children at school told her). She came home, furious with her mother: "Mummy, I can't believe you've betrayed me for all of these years! You're Santa?!" I wonder if, as children, that is one of our first examples of 'betrayal' or 'being lied to'. Not that I think it is betrayal or lying. It's just parents trying to inject some kind of magic and tradition into their children's lives, thereby strengthening their 'belief' muscles. But some psychologists might say otherwise. There are parents who choose to not introduce their children to Santa because they feel it is an example of dishonesty.

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I wish I could remember times at which I tried to stay up and catch Santa in action (as I'm sure I must have done every Christmas Eve). I have a friend whose children religiously set up camp under the Christmas tree every Christmas Eve, in an effort to stay up and ensnare Santa as he drops off their gifts ... but they always fall asleep.

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I have a friend who used to be so petrified of Santa as a child that she would get her father to sleep with her every Christmas Eve night. She told me: "Little did I know, I was sleeping with the enemy!"

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Yesterday I bounced up an acquaintance and, in chatting, asked him if Santa was prepared (he and his wife have two small children). He said "Luckily the children are terrified of Santa. They scream when they see him in malls ... so we don't have to deal with that."

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I remember being quietly confused and concerned about how Santa would enter our house, since we don't have chimneys and fireplaces in the tropics. And I marvelled at how it was possible for him to fly around the whole world in one night delivering gifts to everyone on time, without being seen.

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This morning I woke up with a sense of anticipation, though. There is something clear and magical about Christmas Eve which I'm sure is so (for me) because of years of having believed in Santa. Now Santa has translated into God and, whatever happens, I see it as a powerful day/night for prayers, dreams, wishes and intangible gifts.

May you all have a clear and powerful Christmas Eve and receive wonderful intangible gifts.

In closing, my thoughts go to the female CEO (Vindra Naipaul) who was kidnapped a few days ago. Whenever I see her face and gentle eyes in the papers, I feel sad. Almost everyone I know (friends, my mechanic, acquaintances), who I've spoken to in the past few days, knows her or knows of someone who knows her closely ... and everyone has said without reservation or hesitation what a lovely, kind, positive and healing person she was. I was especially touched upon hearing that her employees had all offered to give up their Christmas salaries to help pay the $3 million ransom. I haven't heard any updated news on the situation, but everyone is saying 'it doesn't look good'.

In no way am I trivilaising the situation when I say this ... but on this powerful Christmas Eve, I sincerely ask 'Santa' (God) that she be released ... whatever that means now. Peace and clarity be unto her, her family and those who love her.

Seeing

Stained glass window inside the Holy Trinity Cathedral in Port of Spain

(opp. Woodford Square, where I found the Labyrinth.

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A beautiful light

Penetrated the darkness

Through that cosmic eye.

Christmas?

This year many people seem to be disgruntled and grumpy about Christmas. "All that traffic!" ... "All that shopping!" ... "All that road rage!" ... "All that stress!"

Yesterday evening when I went to my mechanic to pick up my car, he looked at me very wearily and said: "Girl, they better rename this thing Christmess!"

I told a friend of mine about that and he said: "Oh gosh, girl, it's true! Only Christ isn't into making a mess, so I'll just call it X-mess."

And these days when people say "Merry Christmas!" I wonder if they really mean it or if they are like dolls whose button you press to get them to say 'mama'.

Then there is that article I read about a situation in England where traditional Christmas cards (images of the creche, the wise men, Jesus, etc.) and traditional Christmas carols (Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Silent Night, etc.) are being replaced by modern day songs that have nothing to do with 'the reason for the season'. In fact the article even had a line in it: away with the manger.
It also mentioned that Santa Claus has taken over and that many children, when asked what Christmas is about or who it celebrates, call Santa's name. This kind of thing is becoming increasingly prevalent. The traditional elements of Christmas are slowly being eradicated ... because they are 'offensive' to non-Christians!

Er ... (whether or not this is the correct historical time that Christ was born) the fact is ... Christmas is a Christian festival celebrating and honouring the birth of Christ. Why is that offensive?

Change

(Change is the prompt for this week's Sunday Scribblings)

There is an old man who often stands by the traffic lights at the corner of the Eastern Main Road and El Dorado Road in Tunapuna and begs. He comes up to the car with his flat palm outstretched and says: "Change, please." Somehow whenever he says it to me, I don't hear him asking for money (although I have given him a few dollars on occasion). Something in the way he says "Change, please" makes it sound as though he is asking me to change as a person (whatever it is I need to change). Maybe he's an angel disguised as a beggar. He says that same "Change , please" to all the cars that stop at the red light. I wonder if everyone hears it the same way.

From darkness into light

Yesterday we had a Winter Solstice yoga retreat up at El Tucuche. Winter Solstice is a time of transition, moving from the darkness to light.

The kriyas we did in preparation for the long meditation were not too difficult, but because I was tired, they made me feel like this. I made it through. The meditation was a seated 62 minute one, chanting long Ek Ong Kar. The 62 minutes passed like nothing. It was a lovely feeling riding on the sound and vibrations of the different syllables of the chant (the ones that are held for a long time).

Afterwards I felt very relaxed and, after a while, became pensive and internal. When I left and came home I felt as though many emotions had been stirred up, like a foot had stepped into a river and aroused its bed, making it cloudy. As the evening wore on, I felt mixtures of sadness and confusion, but this felt like 'old things' clearing out.

There were many distinct messages in my dreams last night and I've woken up with clarity.

Hope (pupdate)

At this rate I should start calling this blog 'Bow is Wow' ... with all the finding and homing of stray pups and the subsequent 'pupdates'. This pupdate is half happy and half sad ...

"Lovely" ... subequently named 'Hope' by her new owners.

Here she is sitting on the lap of one of the little party girls.

Some of you may remember the little puppy I had found on the way to a 10 year old girl's birthday party in July this year. The little girl and her friends named her Lovely ... and fonrtunately she was adopted there and then by one girl's mother and given to their neighbours who loved dogs and wanted a puppy.

Another little party girl cradles a sleepy "Lovely"/"Hope"

I bounced up that friend yesterday in a shop and she said "Oh, remember that puppy my nieghbours adopted ...?" She went on to tell me that the neighbours had eventually renamed her 'Hope' (hoping she would live). Hope had experienced "three weeks of absolute bliss!" and then she had died after a brief weak spell. The vet had told her new owners that Hope was very young and therefore was not strong enough to make it. I do remember that when I found her in the middle of the road, she was just a little black dot, barely even recognisable as a pup until I drew closer and got out of the car. She was a baby ... in the middle of nowhere.

But ... even though she did not live, I don't think it's a sad story. She knew love from the moment she was picked up on that dangerous road ... to the moment she arrived at that birthday party and was descended upon by a crowd of little girls who all wanted to hug her, kiss her and take her home ... to the moment she arrived at her new, loving home where she experienced "three weeks of absolute bliss".

R.I.P.

There is always Hope.

And the winner is ...

The clay quenk trophy stands on the front steps of its charming new home.

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Today I went to present the award to the Happy Hippy Hero 2006. It was a moving , heartwarming and even tear-filled occasion. Having finally met her, I agree that she definitely is a Hero. Listening to her talk and feeling the warmth vibrating through her home, I wondered how I would put 'her' into words for those who are awaiting news of the winner. However, while chatting (with me and the friend who had accompanied me), she shared a beautiful original poem she had written as a 'goodbye' to her 'children' (when she had thought she was retiring). The poem says it all about the 2006 HAPPY HIPPY HERO ... so I asked her permission to use it as a description of who she is.

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Although I am not your Mother - I care for you each day

I cuddle, sing and read to you - and watch you as you play

I see each new accomplishment - I help you grow and learn

I understand your language - and I listen with concern

You come to me for comfort - and I kiss away your tears

You proudly show your toys to me - and I give them loud cheers

No, I am not your mother - but my role is just as strong

I nurture you and keep you safe - though maybe not for long

I knew someday the time would come - when we would have to part

But each child that I cared for - is forever in my heart

I gave birth to only two kids - my darling lovely Lisa & Ian

To some I'm Mama, sometimes Aunty Cathy - and to others the quiet, loving

Catherine Chadee, Always!

(A Departure Note; written by Catherine Chadee, 2004)

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Proudly presenting the HAPPY HIPPY HERO 2006:

Catherine Chadee

Explaining the quenk trophy to 'Aunty Cathy' on her front steps.

(Photos by Keshia Abraham)

Kissing the hero

She received the trophy, a cheque from Happy Hippy Productions and a hamper of organic foods kindly donated by Gillian Goddard of Sun Eaters.

Congratulations, Cathy! Welcome to the Happy Hippy Hall of Fame.

To the other nominees: Akilah, Emma, Kay and Patricia - thank you for the great work you are doing for our communities and our country and for the meaningful ways in which you touch people's lives every day. Several people who have read the summary of who the nominees are have made a similar comment: "Each nominee is so impressive that they all deserve to win!"

I take this opportunity to extend to you the blessing that is etched on the side of the clay quenk:

MAY ALL THAT GOES INTO THIS BE MULTIPLIED TO MIRACULOU S PROPORTIONS.

As I explained to Cathy, that doesn't only refer to what goes into the piggy bank trophy ... it refers to the powerful energy each one of you puts into her work. May that valuable and heartfelt energy be multiplied miraculously and return to you infinitely.

With thanks,

Elspeth
Founder/Creative Director
HAPPY HIPPY PRODUCTIONS

Tomorrow you will know ... and Sunflower update

Today I will be going to present the winner of the HHHA2006 with her award, so you will know by tomorrow who she is. No more anticipating.

And for those who want to know what happened to Sunflower:

I dropped her off safely at the T&TSPCA yesterday morning. She slept all the way down in the car, now and then waking up to yawn, stretch and make small canine noises.

At the T&TSPCA the girl rolled her eyes and told me tons of people were bringing in puppies, but luckily adoptions are also high. The day before, ten puppies had been adopted. Sunflower will have her own little card, so when her eager 'adopter' goes to get her, s/he can simply ask for "Sunflower" in order to receive the little bundle. I left my donation (you have to leave money towards the animal whenever you drop one off) and Sun will be vaccinated, wormed and Frontlined.

Puppies have six months in which they are to be adopted and then ... let's not think about that. Sunflower is cute. Someone will take her to their home.

The T&TSPCA attendant told me of a girl who had called in that day to say that her dog had had pups the day before and her father had told her to get rid of them! What kind of madness is that?! how can you 'get rid' of day old pups? If you don't want puppies or kittens, have your pet spayed or neutered.

Please adopt a Sunflower for Christmas.

Earlier this morning my post was about me being a sunflower and my special sunflower crop from Christmas 2004.

Then, walking on campus this morning I encountered a cute little puppy who was following all the walkers and joggers, wagging her little stump of a tail ... as if to say "Please take me home." Everyone was ignoring her, but I could not resist. I asked a nearby jogger (who was getting into his car) to give me a drop home, so that I would not have to walk far with her. Her name of course is Sunflower. Since I can't keep her, I'll be taking her to the TSPCA this morning. If you are interested in owning her or know of anyone who would be, please contact TSPCA and ask for Sunflower.

You can see the size of Sunflower in comparison to my hand.

Sunflower lounging on newspapers in the downstairs bathroom. She's very friendly, gentle, ladylike and no doubt loyal.

Sunflower after her meal of milk and multigrain bread soaked in milk. She is a bit skinny, but healthy. Nothing some good food and loving won't fix.

Jasper doesn't quite like the idea of sharing me with another.

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CLICK HERE to see photos of my pets, some of the animals I found over the past year and other assorted creatures.

I am a Sunflower

I am a Sunflower What Flower Are You?

I tried out this quiz from Kikipotamus the Hobo's blog. The sunflower is one of my favourite flowers, so I'm glad I turned out to be one. On Christmas Day 2004 I planted sunflower seeds in the garden and the first bloom of my crop opened on Valentine's Day 2005! I found this very symbolic: It felt like I had planted a gift for myself on a special day, tended to it with love and it had opened for me 2 months later on a day that is globally 'promoted' as the 'Love' day. It was Nature saying to me: Here is your Love. Indeed, it turned out to be fitting for that year, as Love did come to me. I'm going to plant some more.

The early seedlings. The litle glass bottle on the ground contained pellets to keep bachacs away.

The promise of things to come

Shyly unfurling

Beautiful and blooming

Big and sunny

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When I harvested the seeds there were so many. I put them into envelopes and gave them to friends as gifts.

Storms

Once there was a storm

That blew me from a far place

To where I belong.

One Deep Breath's prompt for this week: Storms)

The HHHA2006 winner has been chosen

This will be a lot of writing, so I have separated it into different posts which you get can to by clicking on the appropriate links (for those who can read at their leisure)

Go here to read more about each HHHA2006 nominee.

Go here to read about the wholeseome organic hamper which Gillian Goddard of Sun Eaters Organics is kindly donating to the winner of the Happy Hippy Hero's Award! Thanks, Gillian.

THE JUDGES MET LAST NIGHT AND (after much discussion and a very challenging voting process - because all the nominees were extremely impressive) have emerged with the winner!

However ... can you wait for the results? Yes you can. It's Christmas ... a traditional time of 'waiting' ... when so many people are anticipating what's under that wrapping paper ... what Santa is bringing. Now you can also anticipate who the winner of the HHHA2006 is.

This will be a gift to someone who I think is a very deserving winner. I would love to be able to take photos of this year's HH Hero receiving her clay quenk and organic hamper ... rather than just announcing her in 'words'. So I will officially announce who she is mid - later this week when I have the photos of her receiving her award. Please be patient.

STAY TUNED!

Clay quenk goes organic

(Gillian Goddard of Sun Eaters Organics contacted me yesterday and kindly offered to donate an organic hamper to the winner of the HHHA2006). Thank you, Gillian! She has written a little message saying more (below).

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Hi Folks,
Sun Eaters Organics, my company, specializes in the purchase, sale and preparation of organic produce.

I've been following the whole HHHA process and have really been enjoying reading about it. When I was reading about the nominees I suddenly noticed how hard these people work - often with minimal financial reward - and decided to donate some organic goods to whoever won the award.

I completely don't want this hamper to be about free advertising so if you want to find out more about what we do you can either go to the website at http://www.blogger.com/www.suneaters.com or send an e-mail to info@suneaters.com to get on the mailing list.

However, I do want to say that those of us whose lives are similar to HHHA nominees deserve to give our bodies the best food that is available so that we can keep going for many years - and stay in very good health. So the award winner will get local and imported organic, completely chemical-free produce to add to their Christmas treats.

Here's what they will get in their 100% organic hamper:
1 lb carili
2 packs Annie's salad dressing
1 lb blue/golden/red potatoes
1 lb daikon
1 box Silk soy milk
2 lbs pumpkin
1 callalloo bush
2 lbs green fig
1 bag whole wheat flour
6 eggs
1 patchoi
1 lb eggplant
2 lb pawpaw
1 lb Pink Lady Apples
1 lb Roma tomatoes
1 bulb garlic

Lots of good eating and drinking to our Happy Hippy!

Warmly,
Gillian

A little more about the HHA2006 nominees

Please read at your leisure. In this post I have included the '200 words or less' statements written by those who sent in submissions for nominees for the HHHA2006. The judges felt it was not fair to select a nominee based on what had been written by nominators (as some nominators might have written more 'convincingly' than others). The judges therefore interviewed nominees and references for themselves and the winner will be chosen based on all information gathered.
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BELOW, IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER, ARE THE NOMINEES FOR THE HHHA2006.

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CATHERINE CHADEE (as written by the person who nominated her):
Officially, Kathy has a daycare. I say officially because this is how we would describe it in the everyday world, but unofficially, or as I prefer to say, spiritually, she offers a place that all beings, whether human or animal, whether adult or child, long for a place of CARE. When I think of Kathy I think of an acronym for CARE - Concern, Affection, Respect, Education. This is the secret to what makes her unique, she understands in this fast-past, impersonal world in which we live, that some things, like the CARE of others, never changes. It is amazing to me to see children who are now 5, 6, 7, even 8, returning to Kathy, holiday after holiday when their parents are at work, returning here like if they had never left. When I drop off my son who has left Kathy's daycare more than two years ago, he walks into her house, after not having seen her for months, like if he has never left. We as mothers are always looking for a daycare, a babysitter, some good help; often we judge this by how clean the place is, how good the toys are, how well our children will be fed and what list of activities will occupy them for the day. When you go to Kathy's house, there is no never-ending supply of fancy toys, no posh playpens, no long itenery of how they will be occupied for the day, she tells us simply, that this is just her home. It is then we remember that we cannot judge something that is not technical by technical criteria, children might like toys but they love to be loved. Kathy makes the babies big, the grumpy cool, the selfish kind, all this done by a simple lady in a simple home, who reminds us that life is simple, that love is simple and that, as parents who get stressed by how hard it is, that CARE is simple.
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AKILA JARAMOGIE (as written by the person who nominated her):
I nominate Akila Jaramogi for the Happy Hippy Hero's Award 2006. Her determined and gentle spirit has been the inspiration behind the re-afforestation of the Fondes Amandes hill, her terrific children and the once 'squatter' community of the area. She has somehow engendered in them a passion for their environment and the land which has its, literally, fruit in the running stream, the cascade and the trees and shrubs from which she creates her wonderful jewelry and accessories and which the young men celebrate with their drumming. She has even managed to change the hearts of the tenured residents of the area and her education programme with schools must surely leave an impression on the young children who wander the trails absorbing the sensations of the forest and the faunal communities it shelters. For me she is a hero, and I respect her very much.
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KAY NARINESINGH (as written by the person who nominated her):
My nominee is involved in: prison service throughout Trinidad, helping prisioners, invloved in women's groups, mother's groups, homeless homes groups and does a lot of community service. She lives for helping people of all walks of life.
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PATRICIA ROE (as written by the person who nominated her):
Miss Roe has taught at the Caribbean School of Dancing ("Dancing" not "Dance"!!) for the last 39 and a half years. She is the teacher with the longest tenure in the school and will celebrate her fortieth year of teaching in 2007. Along with the other teachers of the school, she has dedicated her life to teaching and molding dancers. Her inimitable style of teaching is something that many of the graduates of the school cherish greatly. According to many, she can spot the dancer in you immediately, and work on both your strengths and your weaknesses to make you the best performer that you could be, often teaching you some of life's lessons along the way. Many who have gone on to become professional dancers in other parts of the world seek her out when they return to Trinidad and Tobago, for technical advice or just to say hello, and those ex-CSD dance practitioners who have remained also continue to value her advice. That is the beauty of a great teacher. The nomination, therefore, is just a way of honouring teachers and their longterm impact on their students.
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EMMA SLOANESEALE (as written by the person who nominated her):
At the tender age of 74, my mother has taken into her house 3 young adults from difficult circumstances who could very well be jobless and homeless if not for her. She also opens her house to YMCA international visitors on the drop of a hat and over the years has been mother, counselor, loans officer and social/lifeskills instructor to many a young person....myself included. I have taken for granted the many things she has done over the years to assist her family, friends and now youths that I have introduced her to that I think it is fair to call her a true Happy Hippy and award her according....plus she is the queen of recycling and thrift so a clay quenk would be the best:-)

Finally!

Sorry for the delay, folks ...

Today at 6 p.m., the judges will be meeting to go over the interviews they did with the nominees and their references (two each). The results of the Happy Hippy Hero's Award 2006 will therefore be announced during the course of next week ... just in time for Christmas.

The judging process has not been easy since each one of the five nominees is a wonderful woman doing great work. (Interesting that all submissions were for female nominees). Also, the actual judging process has been a learning one which took some time as we tried to iron out certain 'bumps'. This is good. We can only learn by trying, noting whatever problems arise, making whatever 'mistakes' are to be made and finding ways to address everything in a tighter way the next time around.

Which one of the below nominees will win this year's prestigious clay quenk trophy (made by last year's winner, Detta Buch)?

Catherine Chadee (Child Care)
Akila Jaramogi (Environment)
Kay Narinesingh (Community Service)
Patricia Roe (Dance Education)
Emma Sloaneseale (Social Work)

Stay tuned to Now is Wow and you will find out!

Anticipation

(This week's Sunday Scribblings topic is 'Anticipation')

About two years ago when my nephew was 5, he and my sister came to Trinidad to spend Christmas. That year, whenever my nephew heard anything about Santa he would say: “But Santa isn’t real.” However, one day he sat down with me and we both wrote letters to Santa. I can’t remember what I put (something intangible), but he asked for “any Sponge Bob thing”. We went to the Post Office on campus (with both letters in one envelope, if I remember correctly). My nephew was so short that the post lady only saw a little hand reaching over the counter clutching the letter. She peeped over, saw him and said: “What do we have here?” When she looked at the letter and saw it addressed in childish writing to ‘Santa Claus, North Pole’, she didn’t miss a beat. She said: “That will be one dollar, please.” My nephew paid with his dollar, stuck on the stamp and confidently slipped it into the mailbox.

I happened to have been in the Payless Shoe store a few days before and had seen Spongebob slippers, so I went back and bought a pair in his size, put it in a large brown envelope, addressed it to him and stuck on a stamp which had Santa on it.

On Christmas Eve, I put the envelope in my parents’ mailbox around the time that the post lady normally comes (middayish). Everyone but my nephew was in on the plan. My father went out to get mail and came back with the envelope from Santa, which my nephew excitedly opened. When he saw the Spongebob slippers he said “Wow! Santa IS real!” Then he shook his head and said: “No, Santa isn’t real. God is.”

It's interesting that he said that because even though I no longer 'believe in Santa', I still have a sense of silent anticipation on Christmas Eve night. I feel like God is Santa, doling out invisible, intangible gifts.

Tired ...

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And yet it went so quickly.

Eureka!

Yesterday I was down town and made a wonderful discovery here through the gate of the Holy Trinity Cathedral (the side at the top of Chacon Street, POS). Someone had told me about it when I had completed The Enchanted Forest lamp and at the time of my last day in the studio. I went to have a look and see for myself. Sure enough, tucked away at the end of a cool pathway lined with grass, bush and trees, was this ...

A labyrinth! My heart leapt with excitement when I saw it. It was like seeing an old friend. (Labyrinths are special to me). Even though it's not a massive one, it felt like it took ages to walk it ... as though I would never get to the centre. Quiet, tucked away behind the back wall of the church, near to the "Garden of Peace'. I had never been in there before and was amazed at how it felt like a calm oasis in the midst of the rush and bustle. (Note who is standing at the far end of the labyrinth looking on).

Mary observes 'the lab'. I found it interesting that just the day before I had bought the two cobalt blue Mary medallions

I guess this nearby sign worked. No-one was loitering and there was no litter. The only things I found along my path as I walked the lab were a feather, some leaves, a few small stones and a very tiny piece of paper which, when I bent to look at it, made me feel it had come from something religious (e.g. it had numbers like 2:25, 11:3 and names like Paul and Simon on it).

I will definitely return to the labyrinth whenever I can. And for you as well (in T'dad) when you are in POS and want to step out of the bustle, why not go and walk the lab? I don't know of any others in Trinidad, although my sister tells me there is one in Tobago. I know for sure wherever I end up living, I will have a labyrinth in my garden.

Two

Yesterday I went into the Holy Shop at Mount St. Benedict with a friend and was very drawn to a fairly large cobalt blue miraculous Mary medallion. I found the colour extremely soothing and could not stop looking at it. I also instantly remembered the beauty, elemental power and sacredness with which Mary had been presented in the Paulo Coelho book.

As I gazed at the medallion, the number 'two' popped into my head, as if I should buy two. But I asked the woman for one. However, as she took it out and presented it to me, there were two in between her fingers. She tried to pull them apart, but since her other hand was closing the cabinet, it was awkward for her to separate her fingers without one Mary dropping and possibly cracking itself or cracking the glass cabinet. They therefore remained stuck together. I told her "Don't worry. Give me the two." Obviously I was meant to have both. I kept one for myself and the other is on 'standby', I guess.

... Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Container

The light is with me

The darkness is without me

And still we are one.

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(For 'One Deep Breath' ... this week's prompt: container.)

Gifts that can never be bought

Yesterday I had a completely free day, so I decided to go shopping and get my Christmas shopping 'out of the way'. My friend who'd come in the night before came along with me. It was fun (the liming part) but somewhat futile in the shopping sense. The malls (not our cup of tea, but they were easiest in terms of avoiding traffic) were not as crowded as anticipated, but they all had generally the same kinds of expensive, generic, pointless, unimpressive gift choices. By the time night fell, we could not believe we had spent the entire day (since mid morning) on the road and shopping ... and still had not purchased an iota of the desired total.

My Christmas list is very long on paper, but the gifts I will buy are few. I've decided to just buy gifts for my parents and two sisters and the three main children in my life (my nephew, my godson and my ex roommate-good-friend's daughter, Julia). I'm giving all of my friends the same thing. It's very simple, flat, light (in weight) and partly hand made ... and it's something which, if they 'do it' properly, will give them exactly what they dream of ... the gifts no-one could ever buy for them.

The genderlessness of who we really are

Someone called Aart Hilal left a comment on this post about the Paolo Coelho book and I went to her site ... the summary and essence of which is "dreams come true."

I particularly liked this post. Very powerful.

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Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his.
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light.
Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties.
Every Warrior of the Light has said 'yes' when he wanted to say 'no.'
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved.
That is why he is a Warrior of the Light,
Because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is.

Warrior of the Light
Paulo Coelho

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Only thing ... I know 'his' and 'he' are supposed to be seen as including females as well (as with 'mankind'), but sometimes it jars me and seems presumptuous. I don't think P.C. meant to be sexist. It would perhaps have been poetically cumbersome to say things like "Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his or hers" ... or "That is why he or she is a Warrior of the Light."

I've noticed that some non fiction books use either 'he' or 'she' in addressing readers, as though they assume their readers are all female or all male. Some even switch between addressing 'he' and 'she' for reasons that are not clear to me. The last book I remember noticing that in was "The Four Agreements", which I did not read, but skimmed through. If I remember correctly, the writer used the female. When things like this happen I ask the question: What if a man is reading this?

The book may be talking about relationships, for example. It might say: "When your lover or partner is xxxx, it means he is feeling yyyy ..." A 'straight woman' or a 'gay man' reading the book will identify and feel he is speaking to them, but what about a 'straight man'? Maybe I'm being picky, but it often stands out to me when I come across things like that. Why are some generic-topic books written to 'the male' and some to 'the female' when the topic is applicable to both?

Maybe one day when there is true equality and understanding, there will be the inclusion of one word that means he and she/his and hers/him and her ... one pronoun that embraces the 'human' regardless of gender ... one pronoun for the spirit ... for times when that is necessary, as in the above P.C. poem.

By the River Piedra I sat down and wept

Yesterday evening I was browsing through a bookstore with a friend. All of a sudden she picked up a book, quickly scanned the back and said: "Oh! This reminds me of you. I'm buying it for you now as an early Christmas present." The way she said it so confidently, I thought she had read it and knew what she was talking about.

The book was BY THE RIVER PIEDRA I SAT DOWN AND WEPT by Paulo Coelho. The title made me think it would be a sad book ... but when she asked me if I wanted it or another book I had been flipping through, I trusted the sudden energy with which she had said "This reminds me of you" and decided to stick with "River Piedra".

When I got home last night I was very sleepy and tired but I lay in bed and started to read it. It began with a lovely 'Author's Note" by Paulo Coelho, followed by the opening of the first chapter:

By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river - leaves, insects, the feathers of birds - is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.

I found it a compelling opening ... but it seemed like a sad precursor to what I imagined would be a story with a painful ending. Despite the fact that my eyes were filled with sand from the 'Sandman' and were slowly closing as they struggled to read the book's very small type, I managed to read a few pages before falling asleep. I woke up later with the bedroom light still on, tried to read more, but everything was blurry, so I gave up and went to sleep.

The first thing I did as I woke up this morning was pick up the book again. I didn't meditate or blog or do any of the usual things I normally do upon waking. It's a short book, only 180 pages long and it swept me along, captivated. I could not leave the bed until I had reached the last page. As my eyes fell on the last word, I felt myself lost in a haze. I slowly swung my feet over the side of the bed, sat up and said one word: "Wow ..."

I found it such a beautiful and compelling book that I can't put it into words. To me, it defied words and definitions - geography, gender, names of people and things disappeared to tell a Universal story that can apply to anyone who is ready for it. (Maybe if I had read it at some other time I would not have felt it). The friend who had given me the book happened to call soon after and I told her thank you and how much it had moved me. Amazingly, she had never read the book ... but I'm glad that whatever-it-was-about-it-at-that-moment had reminded her of me.

Who & when?

Just a quick update for those who may be wondering why the judges for the Happy Hippy Hero's Award 2006 are taking so long to come up with the winner. This is because they want to personally interview each nominee and two references (for each nominee) in order to get more information than simply what the nominators sent in with their submissions. This interviewing and assessment will be done over the course of the next few days.

The winner of the HHHA2006 clay quenk piggybank trophy will be decided upon by the latest this Friday 15th December, 2006 ... and will be announced for the latest by Monday 18th December 2006.

The return of Haniel

My faithful keyboard workstation has been with me for eight years. When I first got her, I named her Haniel, after an Archangel whom I had come across in my readings at the time. I was drawn to the name and its meaning echoed important things for me: the Archangel of Love and Harmony. Patron of artists.

Compared to previous years when I was at the keyboard every day, tinkering, composing, creating CDs and soundtracks ... this year I didn't do any music at all. Until late November when I picked up my guitar and ventured back into the studio, this year has been a musical desert.

Last weekend Haniel called out to me as I passed by. I plugged her in, turned her on and sat for a long time playing ... looking through the window at the clouds slowly changing shape, the birds flying in pairs and the rain, which had just started to fall. The music that was coming out felt like how that looked. They were very short pieces, each less than one minute long, reminding me of musical haikus ... or musical photographs of special moments and the feelings that accompany them. This month I'll spend more time with Haniel, re-establish our connection and see what comes of it.

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Manifesting usually as a very beautiful woman, occasionally as an extremely handsome man, Haniel symbolizes beauty, pleasure, and sustaining friendship. Haniel has the power to make fruitful that which previously was not so: to turn states of sadness, anxiety and worry towards happiness. Haniel helps us to recognise and fill the gaps in our lives from within ourselves, rather than continuing to yearn to have them filled from the outside. Haniel inspires that which makes life worth living: friendship, love, companionship, harmony, and balance.
Haniel is associated with the rose, a symbol of the qualities of beauty, upliftment and unfoldment.

Haniel is the Archangel of all powers of love and harmony and can help you bring those influences into your life. Brings Friends, Lovers, Peace, Love, Beauty, Grace, Good Things, Common Sense! He can also aid you in artistic matters.

(Source)